Dramatis Personae:
Aryan Girl (3) – blonde curls, blue eyed angelic looking, with a Germanic Nazi heart for rules and deviousness.
Pink Astronaut (5) – happy-go-lucky girl with extreme artistic imagination and talent and head in the clouds.
INT: Kitchen
AG: Mom, come!
Wife: (suspicious glance at the child) returns to work she was doing cutting up some vegetables for dinner, silently.
AG: Mom, come with me!
Wife: Why? Were are you going?
AG: to the toilet!
Wife: So go, you don’t need me to do that. (She really does not, she is extremely capable).
AG: Yes I do, need you to come with me (devilish little smile gives the game away)
Wife: What for?
AG: Because I might have an enormous fart, and I want you to hear it!
Wife: just do your best from the toilet, I’ll hear it from here.
AG: (laughs and runs off down the stairs)
Me: (shaking head) I dunno babe, missing out on her giant fart, what does that say about you as a parent.
Wife: (not even looking up feom her work) I know; missing out on these core memories.
LATER: Evening, they have eaten and are now all on the “Jumpoline” at dusk.
Invariably the loud crying happens. The wife goes out and comes back with the Pink Astronaut and Aryan Girl both crying.
PA is crying more, they butted heads and AG’s top of the head caught PA just above the eyebrow.
Me: (to PA) come sit her (she sits on my lap, still sobbing)
Me: What happened?
PA: We bumped heads
AG: (rubs her own head, dries eyes and runs off downstairs to the playroom)
Me: How?
PA: We were playing Marco Polo
Me: How? (They can’t fill the trampoline with water, so…)
PA: We put a blanket on our heads and then we run around.
Me: So, you’re telling me that you each put a blanket over your head so neither of you can see where you’re going, and then you run and bounce around on the trampoline and you bumped heads? I mean how on Earth could THAT ever happen with such an intelligent and well-thought out game?
PA: (Smiles a bit)
Me: You know that saying? Play idiot games win idiot prizes?
PA: Thanks for the confidence.
EARLIER
Wife is off to get PA and the Young Viking (7) from school but AG always wants to go with anyone who goes anywhere, and said:
AG: I want to come with!
Wife: Well then you need to get dressed really quickly.
(Our kids have a tendency to run around with just their underpants when it’s hot)
AG gets dressed at lightning speed, as her mother heads out to the car.
Shoves her little shoes on, runs out there, climbs into the car, shuts the door and then says to the wife:
AG: Drive!
When the Apocalypse finally happens and we are in Mad Max world Aryan Girl and I will be just fine.
That’s just today.
I tell you, make kids. They are hilarious.
This post was originally published on my Substack. Link here
