Our children have this tendency to start out as apparent docile child prodigies, but I figure that’s just their natural camouflage until they are old enough for their true natures to come out. In fairness, the Young Viking was probably the most honest. He had the Hulk Smash flat hand of death going pretty much from about 4 months on. Whenever something upset him he would smash his open hand onto the table, nearest flat object, or whatever was upsetting him. He was walking by 9 months, and I specifically recall two events, one told me by my wife, one I saw myself. The one she told me of was that she was telling off his half-sister, who it needs to be explained, was 4 or 5 at the time and used to basically treat him rather badly/roughly. Nevertheless, as my wife was sitting on the floor packing a suitcase and telling off his sister, the YV crawled up to the suitcase, used it to pull himself up to a standing position leaning on it, and smacked it with all his might adding a vicious grunt and intense stare at his mother. She literally came downstairs to tell me “Your child scared me!” as if HER DNA had nothing to do with his temper. The other event was when he was basically starting to be able to stumble along on two feet as long as he was holding on to some furniture. In passing from the bed to wherever he wanted to go, he leaned on the heater we had near the bed (yes, it was off, no it was not dangerous, blah, blah) and the heater tipped over, with him leaning on it. There was no harm done, he just ended up lying half on the heater that was now on its side. Well, not a second passed until the YV just began smashing the living shit out of that heater. How dare it fall over! I looked on with mild concern/amusement. Our long line of family DNA clearly was alive and well in this one.
Possibly the scariest one is the Pink Astronaut, who is a delight to look at, super-creative, was extremely sweet as a smaller child, affectionate, always laughing, and drawing some spectacular stuff from an early age. She also has a slightly psychotic streak apparently. The wife saw her stroke the cat she feeds daily before randomly smacking it up the arse. She got told the next time that happens the cat will not be the only one with a smacked arse. However, I am not sure it’s quite the threat most kids would assume. Already some years ago, when threatened with a spanking, she considered it, then offered her butt with a smile, saying “Go on then! Smack it!” We try not to think about what she might get up to later in life. She also has a really morbid imagination, the other day she asked her mother “Would you rather lose all your hair or not be able to see my face?” This was brought on by the fact she wears her hair loose and invariably half her face is hidden by her curls. On reflection, I am wondering if it was a mere “would you rather” question, and instead wasn’t some subtle threat. Possibly involving scissors at night, or radiation in broad daylight.
Aryan Girl I have written about quite a bit on this blog, and it’s clear she is the most logical of them all. I have hopes that with some direction her intelligence might be used for… well… mostly good things. Regardless of how unpleasant they may be. She is essentially fearless and very logical. And has zero concept of “asking for permission” if she can do it herself, chances are she will just go ahead and do it. And even if she can’t she will try.
The latest addition the Little Wolf, basically eats like a little pig, sleeps, never complained, even when teething and is truly adorable. Even his possibly psychotic/feral siblings love him completely. Like his older brother, his vocabulary at almost 15 months is complete with the words: Dad, daddy, THAT (which along with pointing gets him basically all he needs), the occasional, Mama and Boobie. Though he usually moans at me if I am around when he wants something from his mother.
Today though, he pointed at his little water cup on the table and basically made little grunting noises like a small troglodyte imperiously requesting water. His DNA is coming through in other ways. Like all the others he too has a flair for music, but he seems to particularly enjoy country and western, and last night we watched a film, Hell or High Water, which I really enjoyed by the way, and the little chubster was totally engrossed whenever gunfight took place. You could see he was following the plot at least as concerning fully automatic weapons. And he LOVES a little wrestle. His signature move however is straight out of WWF. He jumps up and tries to body-slam you with his butt.
Another thing I realised is every one of my children learned to say NO long before they learnt to say yes to anything. The way he does it is still the funniest though. He shakes his whole arm at you side to side, like some kind of guy waving at you side to side with an open hand telling you to stop, no go here!
And he’s getting rather imperious with his “right of boobie” attitude, he exposed the wife in the supermarket a week ago, while she had him on one hip and was putting something else in the trolley. Fairly sure it put a smile on the face, and made the day, of a couple of male patrons.
We can see the signs already. Another wilful, pushy, want it my way kind of guy.
I shake my head in resignation, I have no idea where it all comes from. I was a quiet, obedient child. It must all be the wife’s bad DNA.
This post was originally published on my Substack. Link here
