The Evil Empire of Evil

Sometimes in life, the subtlety of miracles truly does show the hand of a benevolent creator behind the tiny and busy details of our lives. This post is about just such a time. Working ridiculously hard so that even lunch is a mere rushed affair of only a handful of minutes, you rush back to the office and as you reach your floor you realise that sushi and latte do not mix. You walk briskly to the gents and almost bump into a gentleman just leaving who smiles and greets you magnanimously. Upon entering the toilets for this floor however, the stench of putrefied faeces hits your nostrils like a sledgehammer. Disoriented, you reel towards the pissoir reflexively as you realise this is only bringing you deeper into the sensation of actually having your head inside the bowels of a co-worker. One with death in his colon apparently. The first spasm of a stomach about to wrench itself from your body hits. You try to hold your breath as your watering eyes seek escape. As you rip the door from its hinges trying not to think about the fact that you have some of those molecules on your mouth, you escape.

Only to realise the stirred up sushi-latte now requires urgent expulsion. You rush two floors down. No other toilets. Cramping you go back up then climb one floor. Nothing. And another. Still nothing and you have no more floors to explore! There must be another toilet. Armed with the courage that can only come from an imminent ass explosion, you make your way past the front office of a firm of solicitors as if you owned the firm.

You walk down a long corridor at random and then turn and… Then you see it. Divine Intervention. God loves you.