The post that went viral (heading for 11k views now) about how Women will REALLY become unhappy in the near future, received the usual infuriated screeches from the fat unfuckables, the incels hoping to white-knight their shrivelled dicks into one of these also unfuckables, and otherwise general positive comments from both men and women.
One response however, was very personal and so instructional I asked the lady in question if I might post her response in full. Which she agreed to.
It all started with a comment she made and my reply to it, which included a question:
She replied in short order and then gave me permission to post her reply in full. Here it is, completely unaltered, except for her name, which I was asked to replace with her Substack handle, which is the minimum I can do for this genuine, and I must say, quite lovely woman. I don’t know her personally, but I think everyone with two functioning neurones can see just how much she clearly has suffered, and how, hard as that lesson was, she did not waste it; and because of it, I have no doubt, she is a far better human being than probably most of us ever are, me included.
Greetings, you asked me a thought provoking question yesterday, something I never considered or asked myself. I thought it over and decided to reply here because I do not wish to steer anyone in the wrong direction or be discouraging to your readers. Your question, would I be as I am in my marriage now if I hadn’t been through the loss of my first husband. In short , no. The long answer is multi faceted and involves 13 years of growth…. emotional, spiritual, intellectual. For our purpose, I’ll answer to the part that hits on the topic of your article. There is no greater reset to a woman’s sense of security than her husband leaving the house to run an errand and never coming home. Sudden, violent death of a spouse is something that changes you forever. Being a single mom is incredibly difficult. I have 3 sons. Everyone said to me “ now you have to be the mom AND the dad” . It wasnt until a therapist told me to ignore those comments, that it was impossible for me to be the dad, their dad is dead, there is no dad, that i finally relaxed from that idea. My sons are good young men but they lack many masculine skills. They are poor handshakers, they are unable to use their inborn, male, physical strength effectively, they can’t use tools. Their stepdad is helping with this. My two oldest, 19, 16 are not super conducive to his guidance, but my 13 old is really benefiting from a masculine presence in the home. I can say that since my 1st husband died in 2012 I did not spend one night feeling safe at bedtime, maybe I’m an outlier but the only time I ever felt safe at night was when my brother visited for the holidays. Now that I have a husband here to protect me, I sleep well. I can also say that I will never be as the women I know who belittle and gossip about their men. Was I like this before….no. I now appreciate my husband because I know he can be taken from me whenever God chooses. I love my current (and forever) husband with all my heart. I accept and love him as he is now. When he grumbles, I love him. When he forgets to do a promised task, I love him. When he falls asleep on the couch , I love him. When he acts like the coarse male that he is…. I love him. I love him fully and here’s the secret that many women do not know….. when you love and appreciate your husband, when you support him, when you keep your marriage sacred by not gossiping and nagging and complaining to your friends about him….. he will love and honor you, he will cherish you because you have proven to be a faithful mate and helper. I never thought I would find another husband, I wasn’t looking for him, he approached me. The love, support and strength he brings to my life cannot be measured in words. He is a good man, he is not perfect, no one on earth is perfect, but he’s perfect for me, just as he is. The problem is this… women have been taught that we are whole and perfect. A complete being , not needing some dude who will come in and step on our freedom. We were taught that to be whole, we must be like men… but we aren’t men. We are softer, we are weaker physically. That isn’t a fault…. its a compliment to the hard, angular , unyielding male. Men need us to soften their edges. To be compassionate and caring while they shoulder the weight of the world. I have no answers on how to fix this problem of western women. I think there will have to be much pain and heartache…. real suffering like you mentioned in your article….. abuse, rape, abandonment….. the realization that we as women cannot survive without men… literally. It makes me sad. We, as women have so much strength… it was robbed from us….. going right back to the garden… we believed the lie. I wish nothing but love and peace to my sisters, that they wise up…. but I see much suffering on a personal and generational level. Men are fed up…. and I do not blame them. How can a man be a leader, how can he support a wife and family when his woman is not accepting him as the leader? The kingdom of heaven is a monarchy. The family is a reflection of this…. the family is not a democracy. There is one head. Thats the man. This sounds foolish and stupid to western women…. what can I say to change that? Nothing. My lived experience is all I have. No one will listen to that. I lived it as a single mom to three boys. Our existence was as a ship in mutiny…. no captain. When I remarried , a captain arrived. He has brought order, direction and steadiness. A masculine presence. Relief, safety, security. His presence is grounding. Anyway… I’ve rambled long enough. Thank you for your question. I appreciate the opportunity to ponder myself. I am enjoying your substack. Best to you and your family. In Christ,
SpringHeelJane
I could not, not respond to such a message. So I did, as below:
Hi SpringHeelJane.
Thank you so much for this.
It is very powerful, and I believe it would be helpful to at least some women. Perhaps ones who are, or have already, suffered some, even if not nearly as much as you, and that —and your words here— may just be enough to make them see the light.
With your permission, and only with your agreement, I would very much like to publish your words on my blog. I am happy to name you as the author or keep you anonymous, but if ok with you I’d like to publish the whole thing exactly as it is. You’ve done an outstanding thing in circumstances very few would have coped with. And your capacity to even see the gaps in your boys’ ways is also an uncommonly objective perspective.
Thank you so much, whatever you decide I really appreciate you trusting me enough to share this very shortened summary of a big and painful part f your life. I pray for you, your sons, your previous and your current husband: may you all find peace, God’s Grace, and may his love fill the rest of your days.
G.
She responded further, proving once again, in case any proof was required for anyone, what a truly outstanding woman she is.
Thank you so much for your kind words. This is what social media is meant for… true human connection. Yes, you can absolutely post this to your substack. Feel free to use my handle, I truly appreciate your content. Thanks for speaking out on our collective human woes. Looking forward to your future content! Stay salty. Prayers to you and your family. In Christ,
SpringHeelJane
And there it is ladies.
Now, regardless of your age, try to imagine her situation. Imagine you are happy and in love, two young boys and another still growing inside you, and your husband goes out for a normal day and never comes back.
I am not afraid of much in life, but I often find myself praying to God, a prayer I only ever saw a parallel of in one film, the one with Mel Gibson in it called The Patriot .
In it in the opening scene, the very first words Mel Gibson’s character Benjamin Martin speaks are:
“ I have long feared that my sins would return to visit me and the cost is more than I can bear. ”
I know that feeling. And I have for years prayed something along those lines, which essentially is something like:
“Lord, Please, do not let whatever lessons I need to learn be taught to me by the suffering of those I love.”
What happened to her is something I don’t even want to imagine. Hard doesn’t begin to describe it. And yet… look at her. Look at what she did, what she managed to do, and now, that a man has again entered her life, see how she has returned to the appreciation that modern humanity has almost entirely lost for each other.
And look at her true and deep understanding of the fact that it was indeed that suffering that made her see it.
In a much smaller way, I know a little of that too. God manages to make even the bad work for the ultimate good, in ways we don’t imagine, certainly don’t expect, and sometimes don’t even realise have happened.
I truly hope any woman reading this takes a moment to ponder this. And then, if they will, let them instead contemplate what might as well be the diametrically opposite creature, something that was shaped in bitterness, envy, and the acidity of the perennially unlovable. Meet Kathy Loves Flowers, the types of things she restacks, and her vast network of people who follow her (4 people), which might be explained somewhat by her personality, which shines through in her comment on the same original post.
I of course replied to her in my usual genteel style, but that’s for those of you who enjoy cruel comedy, and it really isn’t the point. The point is… who would you rather have as a wife? Neighbour? Friend? Mother? Grandmother? Aunt?
Seriously. I’m asking.
This post was originally published on my Substack. Link here
