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A while back we had a somewhat amusing visit by a pair of Jehovah’s Witnesses, an older man and a young and pretty woman. This tends to be the practice of Jehovah’s witnesses, to pair up an older person with younger one of opposite sex to tray and appeal to as wide a range of people as possible.

The older guy was walking down our driveway exclaiming what a beautiful place it was here and what a lovely forest and so on. I happened to have my scythe, seriously, no joke, as I was trying to clear the weeds and brambles around a dead tree I had to take down, and I started to walk towards them with the Italian version of “What?” on my face and a bit of a scowl. I don’t like people wandering onto my property unannounced and for no reason I could see.

To my “Yes?” The older guy continued to give no explanation and saying what an amazing property I have and how great the woods and the surrounds were. I kept walking right up to him and he eventually had to stop half-way down our long driveway. I just stood in front of him, scythe in hand, silent, waiting to see what he would eventually say he wanted. it was clear to me from his mannerism he was some kind of con man. I had no idea what nonsense he would be trying to sell, but I knew the type. Trying to be charming, affable, friendly. He had already irritated me in a number of ways. First by entering my property uninvited and unannounced. Secondly by ignoring my essentially asking him what he wanted without actually saying “What do you want?” but making it very clear that is what I was asking, and thirdly by his continued attempts to ingratiate himself into my good graces. So, although there was no mirror nearby, I have been told many times that my face is not particularly hard to read when I am pissed off and apparently it goes from “resting serial killer face” to “Imminently active serial killer face”.

Seeing me keeping silent he tried once more, in a way that he must have regretted later.

“Well, you have such a wonderful place her, like a paradise, nice and remote eh? No one here to bother you, well, except a few boars or wolves maybe, heh, heh.”

He really set himself up.

“I prefer wolves and boars to people. What do you want?”

His smile wavered and he brought his phone out and started to turn it while saying “Have you heard what the Bible says…”

He did not finish the sentence.

“I’m a sedevacantist catholic. Be on your way.” I pointed to the gate and turned and left. He wished me a good day as he quickly headed back uphill.

My daughter laughed at the situation and when she referred to them called them Judas’ witnesses. The first couple of times it was an honest mistake, because as she speaks three languages, sometimes words that are similar in one translate slightly differently in another. But it became our word for them pretty quickly.

It’s amazing how kids sometimes come up with much better words than we have for things. The 3 year old renamed the trampoline the jumpoline when she was 2 and it’s been the jumpoline ever since.

As an aside, someone told me once that the Judas’ witnesses try to convert you to their religion because the more people you convert the more likely you are to be one of the only 144,000 that will be allowed into heaven. So in reality, their trying to convert you is a kind of pyramid scheme were only the guys with the best numbers get it.

I never bothered to verify if this is specific to one set of Jehovah’s witnesses or all of them, nor do I care, because heretics will be heretics, so who cares, but I do think if true it’s a further nail in the coffin of heresy and hypocrisy they peddle, and it also makes me wonder… do they know which number they are on the heaven’s lotto game?