May God light your path, whoever you are
My wife has usually been a bit of a Grinch at Christmas. She always said it was a lot of work and mostly disappointing. Personally however, I have always loved Christmas even as a kid regardless of circumstances and I still do as an adult. And it didn’t ever really have to do with the presents either. The only Christmas present I remember distinctly in my 56 years was one I got when for reasons I don’t recall, at about age 8 or 9 or so, our family arrived for Christmas day at this farmer’s house in South Africa where a bunch of other people and kids were. I seriously can’t recall what the situation was, but I dimly recall we had just arrived from somewhere else far away, maybe even just arrived in the country and due to the distance we still had to go had a stop over with this family for the night. And we didn’t know them at all, the situation probably organised through friends of friends. Anyway we were a last minute addition and we didn’t have presents for anyone and my brother and I didn’t expect any for us either. Not in a bad way, just in a can’t be helped way, and we were pretty stoic kids even then. When we saw a bunch of other kids with presents under the tree we didn’t react or think anything much of it.
The lady of the house nevertheless approached my dad and told him that she knew he had two boys and she had got us a present each and she hoped it would be okay. He thanked her, as did we and I still remember that present. It was a cowboy gun in full metal with those little percussion caps that made a bit of a bang, as they had a thin layer of actual flammable powder/paint.
My brother and I loved them and spent the whole day shooting each other and mostly the other kids in the usual kids games.
Aside that, I don’t recall the presents I ever got without some serious effort, and I certainly don’t recall any I got as a kid. I could probably only name a couple from the last few years if I really tried.
So for me Christmas was never about the presents. Even as a kid what I liked was the feeling. The way everyone said Merry Christmas in the shops. The way people were generally more pleasant and happy.
This year however the wife decided she was hanging up the Grinch persona and it was going to be a good Christmas.
My view of presents is get a couple or three per kid, make them good and call it a day. Because again, Christmas for me is not even about the presents. I don’t care if I get any at all frankly. I have everything I want for the most part anyway. And the thought is what counts the most, so it’s that aspect of the present for me. I got my wife one and I let her deal with the presents for the kids, thinking this year she might follow my idea about presents.
And boy was I wrong.
She bought more presents for the kids than any other year, and trust me that’s saying something. They might not be very expensive things, but they are well thought out ones. Puzzles, logic games, drawing stuff… I can’t even tell you, though I wrapped a good chunk of them this year. She said I did last year too but I hardly remember that either. And she got me a bunch of stuff too, which I was… “What did you do?!? I don’t even… I thought we were just getting each other one or two things…”
And her reply was “No, I told you this year I’m making sure it’s a good one…”
Which of course made me feel terrible and I told her, “But now you’ll be disappointed again because I only git you one present, I didn’t even know you were getting me anything…”
Quick as a flash, she said: “No, I’m not! and no you didn’t! See all the silver wrapped gifts, those are mine!”
“Uhhh… yeah ok but… you bought them yourself. That’s not really the…”
“Nope. I wanted what I wanted and you bought it all.”
Which is true enough I suppose but I definitely need to up my Christmas game next year.
She also made a lunch earlier that was pretty awesome and we had some friends over for it and she had put out everything in good order, fancy tablecloth and cutlery and all.
And to give you an idea of the amount of stuff she got the kids, here is a picture of the tree. I seriously do not know how many each kid has but it’s probably over 20 each.
Each colour paper is a different child, and the giant red ones are mine (I figured out what it is already but I’ll wait till tomorrow or later to show you all). Her silver ones and the few for the baby are on top of mine.
If you try count the kids ones you’ll think “Oh it’s just 15 or so” but you’d be wrong. There are presents stuffed all the way to the base of the tree.
The one I got you can spot by the differently “wrapped” approach…
Anyway, the feeling this year has been great. No Grinch attitude in sight, and it’s making everything so much nicer.
I gave a friend an over and under shotgun I had that in fairness was a bit short for me but probably perfect for him, and that’s all the presents I did this year. So despite the good feeling I have, if there is a Grinch this year it might be me. A jolly one though it may be.
When you have a shitty upbringing, or maybe bad memories around such times as Christmas, or maybe even something really traumatic happened, it can be “normal” to have a sense of dread, an anxiety, or a general sense of depression about Christmas, or New Year, and so on.
Maybe you’re alone, (and unlike me —who had more than a couple such Christmases and birthdays and New Years— it hurts you to be alone at such times) maybe you’re going through a terrible time. And maybe my words are not enough, but even so…
Know that you ARE loved. No matter who you are, if you are still alive on Earth, I believe God still has love for you. Perhaps out of a hope you turn out better (though he can know for sure of course) or perhaps just because he does, even as you abandon all hope of Him.
You are loved and may you truly experience it fully one day.
Whatever your circumstances, please know… there is a loving God, there is a heart at the centre of the madness and pain you might feel, and you absolutely can get a sense of it, even if you are alone and in a bad way. Just be still and close your eyes and feel it. It may not be there right now in a tangible way, but I assure you it is there. And you will, at some point, experience it fully.
God bless you every one, and may you have a Joyous Christmas today.
This post was originally published on my Substack. Link here
